My burden..my thorns

I wrote this poem in the hospital the last time I was there for step amputation that is one of my thorns since I loved walking .The others are stage 4 kidney failure and dialysis,the last one my diabetes……..

2 :Corinthians 12 :

Strength from Weakness

11-5 You’ve forced me to talk this way, and I do it against my better judgment. But now that we’re at it, I may as well bring up the matter of visions and revelations that God gave me. For instance, I know a man who, fourteen years ago, was seized by Christ and swept in ecstasy to the heights of heaven. I really don’t know if this took place in the body or out of it; only God knows. I also know that this man was hijacked into paradise—again, whether in or out of the body, I don’t know; God knows. There he heard the unspeakable spoken, but was forbidden to tell what he heard. This is the man I want to talk about. But about myself, I’m not saying another word apart from the humiliations.

If I had a mind to brag a little, I could probably do it without looking ridiculous, and I’d still be speaking plain truth all the way. But I’ll spare you. I don’t want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you’d encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk.

7-10 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

Here it is:

Willy cross-man’s personal psalms

Behind the hospital curtain (abbrev: Bhtc and Bhc)

It can plunge to the valley of despair

With hopes and dreams

Like distant stars in the night sky

Or soar like a eagle

With the graceful wings of ones talents

Upon the winds of faith inspiration,hope,dreams,faith,

With the life giving rays of the God who is…..

Unseen tears run down my face

Feelings of being failure and a multifaceted burden

Pelt my soul,my heart and my mind

Like biblical sized hailstones…

Darken skies of providence stretches ever before me into the depths of eternity…

As the path God has ordained me to walk lies in the path of the life storms making it at times hard to pass….

I feel like a water downed Moses with my family as a microcosm of OT Israelites….

Leading his people to the promised land with constant Murmming and complaint

I like Moses trying to communicate

My first hand experience of Gods goodness and mercy

Yet they choose not to hear see taste our present day manna

Complaint how Egypt was better.

Infects me as well

Yet the cure again again

Is remembering GOD’s goodness

Witnessed in one owns life……

I knock on the doors of peoples hearts

Hope beside me

And no one comes to their door

No one answers

Thinking me as a unwanted sales men…………..”.

Perhaps now one hears you

By choice deaf

Or too busy with life’s ups and downs

Perhaps no one sees your invisible tears

Blinded by life

But Christ truly hears

But Christ truly sees

So come to Christ

And release your soul,life,heart and mind crushing burdens

He will hear

He will see

He will never fail you……….

Psalms 139

Behind the hospital curtain

I reflect how bad things happen to bad people

In Christian eyes bad as well as good happens in their life

Like mine where taking a shower

The neighbor upstairs flushed the toilet causing the water in my shower burn dangerously hot

And I thought I got out in time but it touched my foot and 3 days later I had a foot infection and a two toe amputation

In a Christians light. These bad event God has and will make it for good

Behind the hospital curtain

I think about suffering

My answer both comes

From my creator

From my Heavenly Father

From the Just God

From Compassionate God

From the Sovereign God

From a Loving God

From a Wise God

From a Merciful God

From a Ever present God

From a all knowing God

From a all seeing God

BBhtc

God works on non Christian and Christian alike to provide kind compassion to sick sheep

Bhtc

With each passing day

You see it as a life sentence

Rather than it is closer to the day you go home

Bhtc

Your hear the joyful sounds of children

And you miss your own

Bhtc in time you

Come to believe that you are just a distant memory in the hearts and minds of friends and loved ones left behind

BHTHC

you think you are no longer

BHTHC in the hospital bed

Then you wake up

BBhtc

Your spouse becomes a letter only addressed to you

Bhtc

The clouds sometimes blocks the sun. And i become deaf to love and hopes voice

Bhtc this is a nursing home as well and i fear i have been branded elderly-old mAn in

My prowess my attractiveness

My sexuality in chains held imprisoned 20 to life sentence in max security prison our youth narcissistic hedonistic youth culture has raised— labeled gold man in

my beloved’s youthful eyes

Already seemingly wearing

A sign:reading look but do not touch I tell her that how I feel but she brushes it off and pays no mind to my masculinity

Bbc

You live only in the past boast of past triumphs achievements that inWanda ,you are a love letter

I would like to read see each

Intimate special stroking forming words I alone can read for your eyes only

Intimacy of both soul mind and body lost

Only sadness loneliness depression are my

Letters which i do not want to read but it is the only thing allowed for me to read….

spires my hope and strength is Christ the living hope and who i can do all things because of Him like heal and everday life

Bhtc

Bhtc

You distinguish what medical says

What your fears say and what you wish to hear and what is really said and find hope to hold onto

BBhtc

You come to realization that you are living on. Borrowed time and it’s by God’s graciousness

‘BBhtc you see which nursing staff has a heart for service and which have a pharisaical heart that declares certain services Are beneath there status

BBhtc

Another fruit from the tree of excuses being my parents are staying here’,the kids are awake

Or you might injure your wounds or your heart might turn off like a light bulb

Bhtc. At times you become a distant memory but you always under the watchful

Eyes of God

Bhtc God strips you of friends and family and feeling abandon not only to draw u closer to Him but to also recognize He alone is aways there beside u,before. U behind u just like the cloud in Ot testament that lead the israelites home

Bhtc

Hospital chaplains are modern day Pharisees called to be as a. Carrier choice not calling by God interested more in womans figures than either salvation or consolation of sick bodies

Bhtc

The worlds noise is at a minimum

Allowing you more of the presence of God

Bhtc

Are own

Spiritual walls dividing race

Behind the curtain

You either pass or fail

Complacency or complaining

Hope or despair

Your faith is invigorated

Or revealed as it really is :dead faith empty faith shaped by tradition,works,sacraments,

Behind the curtain

My heart start missing my wife and children the instant they leave for home and they pass the curtain

Behind the curtain and outside

❤️God is good all the time

is ❤️

Strips you everything but God and His word in the worlds eyes you are poor naked alone but in reality Before God you are wealthy because of His grace.

Sometimes i do not know

Leads to hopelessness and only the darkness of behind the curtain

Bhtc

You realize your mortality

That you ate living on borrowed time but it is gift not by blind chance evolution etc

But from God not taken back as God was a indian giver but given. Back by to Him in exchange for a better gift eternal life

Bhtc

God reboots you

From a dark path

To the path He wanted you and you alone feet to walk

Bhtc

Is A battleground where it will will be surly tested

Whether your faith is real or just a mere shadow

Bhtc

Your standing before God is striped of its mask

To reveal your true id

One with Christ

Or far from Christ

Btc

Your faith or lack of is made public

That btc cannot hide’

Bhtc

Reveals who your God is

The True God or your man made God your golden calf

Bhtc

You really gaze and see how sinful taking God’sname in vain or as a curse from your lips or the lips of others or both

Bhtc

Knows no discrimination

And those who go thru the motions of service from medical to food care should see this a d do-their best especially if they claim a christ that they wake up to find themselves bhtc in their own twilight zone experience

God’s justice here and now

Bhtc

The food servers bring condiments but not the food that goes with them

Behind the curtain a faith lived out

Behind our thin. Hospital. Curtain

Hide the others pain

Enough not to hear or see them

Our own little world our concerns behind the thin. Hospital curtain

Sadly even behind the curtains exist not only white racism but minority on minority in the midst or their sickness that is when our racism should no longer be on our lips and. Hearts but gracios to God

That we are healing and know one day those people we racist too are the very some ones that will help us when we are in need

My wife looks at social media and complains others are enjoying life. Psa17:4

And I behind the curtains

With the mouth of my mind

Respond that’s how it is

But their hands have the blood of their victims for life on their hands families they have destroyed

The world argues stupidity or timidity for one that acted,the other other silenced by greed

And we can continue to endless draw excuses from the bag the world gives yet we may never end But before Christ each time we pull them out before Him they would instantly crumble to the lifeless dust they are

Yet we shall all go beyond this curtain one day to the other side and stand before His Sovereign throne and these excuses will not save us

Behind the curtain

That is where theology,my Christian life meet

Unite,sustain and nurture

The alarms from the hospital machines now my car sirens ringing in the night

Behind the curtain reveals our true human nature

Our self centeredness robing my nurse from me in the midst of my need and pain

And because we are all behind the thin curtain you can be blind to the others may be in more need than you,mute to the fact that their pain is greater than yours

And out the window Jesus’s golden rule love,thy neighbors as thyself and Eve’s poison you are like God flows strongly feeding our selfishness look out for #1. Sinatras my way or no way…

Behind the curtain

One group of doctors will rob you of hope

While another group gives you hope

Yet with God you always have hope and the the reality that God will always deliver what is good for you

Bhtc

I learn to love cherish appreciate my wife my children

Bhtc

You experience healthcare

From nurses who in the midst honors jesus with a cup of water others just turn away helping only their assigned patients pharisees to. The letter

Bhtc

Good nurses assigned to you are like cabs. Other patients try stealing them

Bhtc

My wife sees me as a old man

And not the Prince Charming that won her heart

Bhtc

Even though the church has failed and forgotten me

God will never fail me

Nor forget me

Bhtc

I am reminded and chastised for neglecting the greatest comforts for a Christian

For times such as this especially

Scriptures and prayer

Bhtc

It can plunge to the valley of despair

With hopes and dreams

Like distant stars in the night sky

Or soar like a eagle

With the graceful wings of ones talents

Upon the winds of faith inspiration,hope,dreams,faith,

With the life giving rays of the God who is…..

Bhtc

It can plunge to the valley of despair

With hopes and dreams

Like distant stars in the night sky

Or soar like a eagle

With the graceful wings of ones talents

Upon the winds of faith inspiration,hope,dreams,faith,

With the life giving rays of the God who is…..

Bhtc

You wonder have you or will you touch another’s persons life positive

You then start questioning God’s dealings in your life

Gifts talents experiences that seems to come up empty-handed or leading nowhere

And you start to long for a wonder life experimce

To vindicate

To authicate

To validate

To give to your life,experiences and gifts meaning

But this is not the movie

But reality that hides its answers till you under a gravestone…

Unless God intervenes and shows instant replay with commentary play by play……..

Behind the hospital curtain

The first thorn robs of the joy of walking

The second thorn robs me of my vigor and strength

The last thorn robs me of the joy of eating and sharing the eating experience with my family and friends…

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